7th

I am back. Having trouble doing anything. Went to the pool last week and it felt good to be back in the water. Was very very sore the next 3 days or so. Now I don’t want to do anything but sit with Maxie on my lap play on my phone and watch TV. I have not gotten dressed in a week and haven’t even picked up my mail. Part of me feels I am just being stubborn and the other part feels like I am slugging through heavy sticky mud. 

I feel like there is an ice dam inside me that can’t get to the feelings that are really there. Like maybe I have a huge pile of guilt I am trying not to let overwhelm me????  These last couple of years have been horrible except for the time with Mason who totally brightens my day. I am very disappointed in Mark and John and worried about Aaron and John too.